Game maker Hasbro releases nightmarish ‘longer’ version of Monopoly

NEW YORK, New York -The board game of your nightmares is here, especially in time for the holidays.

It may have been something that no one asked for but it’s now available for purchase exclusively on Amazon: a longer version of Monopoly.

The Monopoly Longest Game Ever costs $19.99 and takes up endless, irredeemable hours of players’ lives.

“Think the original Monopoly game takes forever to play? It’s got nothing over this edition,” reads the less-than-convincing game description.

Even bankruptcy won’t save players from this endless slog, as the game doesn’t end until someone owns every single property — and in this version, there are three versions of every property. It gets worse: the winner must own all 16 streets, four railroads and two utilities.

Oh, and there’s only one die, and the game board is extra long. The tokens have also been customized for this version: Players can choose from a tortoise or a hare.

As a balm for this new infinite, existential real estate game, Hasbro also announced Monopoly Speed was released on the holiday Friday which makes that game the fastest version of Monopoly ever.

In this version, the full game can be played in less than 10 minutes. It consists of four rounds where players race a timer to buy, trade and sell properties at record speeds. There are two GO spaces, and players can break out of jail for free every time. Also, there are no turns: Each player has a token and a die, and during buying stages everyone rolls simultaneously. The Speed game will also retail for $19.99.
Notice: you are using an outdated browser. Microsoft does not recommend using IE as your default browser. Some features on this website, like video and images, might not work properly. For the best experience, please upgrade your browser.