(Dec. 29, 2015) – The husband of Amanda Blackburn returned to his church for Christmas service last week.
Davey Blackburn spoke to more than 200 people who were on hand for his first message to the congregation at Resonate Church since his wife’s murder in November.
“People keep wanting to know how I feel. I can tell you a hundred billion different things that I feel. I told somebody the other day that I feel like I’m on this really, really, really long trip,” he said. “Like I’m out speaking at a camp somewhere and gone from my realities somehow and in a couple days I’ll just come home and everything will be back the way it was. My mind gets through that progression and then I get to the part about coming home and I realize I don’t have a home, because Amanda was my home.
“It hurts. Sometimes I feel like somebody’s got my head and they’re just pushing it underwater over and over and over and I have no breath inside me and it hurts so deeply. I can’t breathe underwater, and yet for just a little season, maybe a couple days, a couple of hours, I get this breath. I feel this hope, like maybe I’m going to survive this only enough to get this hope, and then I go back down. If you’ve experienced hurt, you know what I’m talking about. I didn’t know that kind of hurt until now.”
Blackburn said there are times he feels alone and afraid. He called it an “impossible burden to carry” and says he’s “glad we serve a God who says cast all your cares on me.”
He continued, “You know what I’m hopeful for? The fact that I don’t have to fight tomorrow’s battles today. I don’t have to try to muster up tomorrow’s grace today. Because Jesus gives me grace for today and tomorrow–He’ll give me grace for that day. We have no idea. In two years, Jesus could come back. Next week, I could get in a car wreck and I’m in heaven with Jesus and Amanda. I don’t have to fight those battles. I don’t have to think about two years, five years, ten years down the road. I need the grace for today and the strength for today, and tomorrow He’s going to give me more.”
Blackburn said he and his wife moved to Indianapolis to plant the seeds for their church and reach people, even those responsible for killing his wife.
“You think there are people who are too far? Who are beyond being saved? The enemy is the one who stole her life from her. He comes to steal kill and destroy because sin is in this world we now experience death. The enemy used a couple agents to make it happen. You know what the enemy wants us to do now? He wants us to cower in a corner and hide. He’s trying to take the breath out of us. Well, he messed with the wrong family. He messed with the wrong church, you hear me?
“The enemy is not any human being. The enemy is not who did this to Amanda. It’s not the two or three guys that did this to Amanda. The enemy is Satan,” he said. “We don’t fight a battle of flesh and blood. We fight a battle of principalities of the supernatural.”
Of his wife, he said, “she loved Jesus more than she loved anybody else, but because she loved Jesus, she loved everybody.”